90+ Best Funny Love Quotes | Him & Her

Are you looking for funny love quotes? Here is the right place to get the best collections of funny love quotes and messages. Share these quotations with your partner.

If you love them in the morning with their eyes full of crust; if you love them at night with their hair full of rollers, chances are, you’re in love.

Every day, I find myself falling in love with you a little bit more, but damn, you were annoying for sure the other day.

My wife is really sentimental. One Valentine’s Day I gave her a ring and to this day she has never forgotten those three little words that were engraved inside — Made in Taiwan

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. – Natasha Leggero

Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery. – Erma Bombeck

Funny Love Quotes

I was married to a judge. I should’ve asked for a jury. – Groucho Marx

Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are. — Will Ferrell

You know that tingly little feeling you get when you like someone? That is your common sense leaving your body.

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. —Zsa Zsa Gabor

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. – Jackie Mason

You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. – Hussein Nishah

Love is sharing your popcorn. – Charles Schultz

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. — Russell Brand

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

You may marry the man of your dreams, ladies, but fourteen years later you’re married to a couch that burps. – Roseanne Barr

I would love you, no matter what. Even if you were to fart in your sleep.

Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? – Jean Illsley Clarke

Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life. — Rita Rudner

I love you with all my belly. I would say heart, but my belly is bigger.

As a man in a relationship, you have two choices: You can be right, or you can be happy. – Ralphie May

Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. – Phyllis Diller

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. —Jackie Mason

Where love is the case, the doctor is an ass. – English Proverb

Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni​​

One cricket said to another – come, let us be ridiculous, and say love! -Conrad Aiken

If you text ‘I love you to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back. — Chelsea Peretti

I solemnly swear I am up to no good. Especially when I am all alone with you!

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Besides my cup of coffee, you’re my favorite.

Love is the same as like except you feel sexier. – Judith Viorst

The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing. — Natasha Leggero

Do you want to know who I’m in love with? Read the first word again.

By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll be happy. If you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. – Socrates

The way you look at me is similar to the way I look at a chocolate cake. I love it!

I wasn’t kissing her, I was whispering in her mouth. – Chico Marx

Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there. – George Burns

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Women cannot complain about men anymore until they start getting better taste in them. — Bill Maher

I love you so much I’d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly bear because they have claws, and not a panda bear because they know Kung Fu. But a care bear, I’d definitely fight a care bear for you.

Oh, here’s an idea: Let’s make pictures of our internal organs and give them to other people we love on Valentine’s Day. That’s not weird at all. – Jimmy Fallon

He’s like a brilliant, sexy little hummingbird. —Leslie Knope

My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on. – Joan Rivers

Marriage is like pantyhose. It all depends on what you put into it. – Phyllis Schlafly

Women might be able to fake orgasms. But men can fake a whole relationship. ― Sharon Stone

Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. ~ Franklin P. Jones

You are never alone on Valentine’s Day if you’re near a lake and have bread. – Mike Primavera

An archeologist is the best husband any woman can have; the older she gets, the more interested he is in her. —Agatha Christie

A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb

You can’t put a price tag on love, but you can on all its accessories. – Melanie Clark

Love tells someone that his zipper is open or her wig looks too fake.

I think men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage. They’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry. — Rita Rudner

Will you lend me a kiss? I promise to give it back.

You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. – Henny Youngman

If you text “I love you” and the person writes back an emoji – no matter what that emoji is they don’t love you back —Chelsea Peretti

He gave her a look that you could have poured on a waffle. – Ring Lardner

I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. – Russell Brand

When a man of forty falls in love with a woman of twenty, it isn’t her youth he is seeking but his own. — Lenore Coffee

Always follow your heart, but remember to bring your brain along!

If love is the answer, can you please rephrase the question? – Lily Tomlin

True love is singing karaoke ‘Under Pressure’ and letting the other person sing the Freddie Mercury part. —Mindy Kaling

Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else. – Jean Kerr

Sexy is the thing I try to get them to see me after I win them over with my personality. – Miranda

Spend a few minutes a day really listening to your spouse. No matter how stupid his problems sound to you. —Megan Mullally

As a man in a relationship, you have a choice: You can be right or you can be happy. — Ralphie May

Funny Love Quotes For Him

Every day I fall in love with you more and more. Except for yesterday… yesterday you were pretty annoying.

Love makes people do silly things. Like, it made me send you this message!

Every day, I find myself falling in love with you a little bit more, but damn, you were annoying for sure the other day.

A man in love is not complete until he is married. Then he is finished. —Zsa Zsa Gabor

I would love you, no matter what. Even if you were to fart in your sleep.

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe. —Jackie Mason

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin me. — Al E. Gater

When you need each other to survive.

I love you even more than I am annoyed by you. Which is a lot. — Brighton Early

This kind of love really means something.

Mornings were made for sleeping, bacon, beer, and chocolate. — Ima Hogg

In that order. Someone heat the skillet pronto!

I love you. You annoy me more than I ever thought possible. But I want to spend every irritating minute with you. — Iona Mink

Till death do us part. Or we kill each other.

Besides my cup of coffee, you’re my favorite.

He’s like a brilliant, sexy little hummingbird. —Leslie Knope

I love you more than coffee, but please don’t make me prove it.

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

You must be made of Iodine, Livermorium, and Uranium because I Lv U!

You’re basically the cutest thing I have ever loved, after my kitten.

Let’s cuddle so I can steal your body heat. — Jack Pott

I love you even when I’m really, really hungry. — Holly Wood

Funny Love Quotes For Her

Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

I lost my teddy bear, can I sleep with you?

Love is like a fart, if you force it it’s probably crap. ―Joe Wiley

Romantic love is a mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. – Fran Lebowitz

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby – awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

Love is a two-way street constantly under construction. – Carroll Bryant

I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it? — Jean Illsley Clarke

Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when I’m with you!

Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke. – Lynda Barry

Oh, no! I like you more than I planned to.

Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

Love is like an hourglass, with the heart filling up as the brain empties. – Jules Renard

It is not loved that makes a relationship complicated; it’s the people in it who do.

Between lovers, a little confession is a dangerous thing. — Helen Rowland

Good thing I brought my library card because I’m totally checking you out.

Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby—awkwardly, and often with a great deal of mess. – Lemony Snicket

A guy knows he’s in love when he loses interest in his car for a couple of days. ―Tim Allen

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds. – Cindy Garner

I say if you love something, set it in a small cage and pester and smother it with love until it either loves you back or dies. – Mindy Kaling

I vow to never wear a flannel nightgown if you vow to never do a comb-over.

I miss crawling into a man’s arm, kissing his neck, saying those three little words into his ear, ‘And another thing … — Felicia Michaels

In a room full of art, I’d still stare at you.

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